Tag Archives: youtube

You’ve Got to Procrastinate to Accumulate

11 Jan

Christopher Parker: A modern day Socrates

A great actor once said, ‘procrastination is like a credit card: it’s a lot of fun until you get the bill’. Well, I say great actor. It was apparently the chap who played Spencer Moon off Eastenders. Christopher Parker, his name was. The reason I know this? Because I just Googled him. I can also now tell you that he also won a ‘TRIC Award’ in 2005 and fronted a show on Gala Bingo’s TV channel a couple of years ago. I have plenty more important things to be doing with my time. It’s as if I haven’t listened to a word the man has said; for I am like a veritable infinity mirror of procrastination.

 

It’s a condition that affects many creatives, much like black lung has marred the profession of miners through the generations. Often, it’s not that you don’t want to get on with something. It’s just that your brain is as co-operative as a Jack Russell pup that has just spotted a flock of pigeons in the park. The idea that was once fizzing fresh in your mind like a new morn’s Berocca soon sinks to the sludge-filled bottom of your cloudy mind-lake alongside the corpses of book ideas and inventions to take to Dragon’s Den. It’s a atrocity that should not go unpunished.

 

So, who are the deplorable villains of this serial crime? Taking the obvious, such as furniture rearranging, sandwich making and wondering what it would like to be a cat out the equation- there are the big three. Facebook. Youtube. Wikipedia. They need hauling up into the dock and have a thousand sentences rain down upon their unforgiving cyber souls in penitence for all of those precious hours snatched from our grasp. Each of these dastardly characters possess qualities that surmount to an ultimate and irresistible power, much like the Deathly Hallows that Voldemort was after.

 

Facebook. The infinite source of social gossip and outlets for nosiness. We’ve all ended up scouting the profile of our work colleague’s younger brother’s best friend’s cousin. Right? Youtube. A twisted labyrinth to make Bowie’s Goblin King cower in terror. It will never let you go. It will never stop suggesting you should take a look at that man popping a blister. Wikipedia. The relentless pull of the factoid. Just when you think you’ve finished an article about the Rhodesian Security Forces there will be just one more of those little blue links to coax you down another back alley of useless knowledge.

 

The problem is, these evil forces aren’t going anywhere… and deep down we don’t really want them to. Perhaps one day, they will prove a force for good. Perhaps to a young writer who left her application for a Columnist job far too late and panicked about a topic last minute. (Erm, yeah. This is what this blog post was originally written for.) Who knows? Until then, beware of falling foul of these bewitching booby-traps, or you are doomed to creative vegetation; with only with the world’s funniest woodland creatures video to comfort you.